Closure from Others isn’t a Guarantee

Where did the idea of seeking closure from the people who have hurt us come from? It seems like a waste of time because it hardly ever goes the way we envision and sometimes leaves us in a worse place. Certain things are better for us not to know and to just leave alone. Knowing the entire backstory or truth to someone’s actions could be harder and more painful to process. Plus, there isn’t a guarantee that the person is going to tell you the truth or that they even have an answer or explanation for their actions. There are plenty of people who lack self-awareness and do careless actions without knowing why they are doing them.

Seeking closure from yourself sounds productive but seeking it from the people who hurt you sounds kind of iffy to me, especially if the pain is still fresh. It can drag out the pain in an unhealthy and unproductive way, especially if the person is going to use it as a form of manipulation. It’s seems like you would just be going in circles and being brought back into toxic people’s energy, the same toxic people that you are supposed to be moving away from.

Let’s say you get the closure, what happens then? The pain does not just magically go away, it is still very much there or sometimes amplified depending on what was said and done. My point of this post is to put into perspective that seeking closure from others isn’t really necessary for your own healing process, especially if they can’t even give it to you. What’s more important is seeking and accepting closure from yourself. I think it’s more important to focus on yourself and do the inner work. It is very much possible to be able to let go, heal, and move on from a situation or someone without closure from them, it’s difficult but it’s possible. The idea that you need closure from someone, basically means that you need this toxic person for your own healing process, which isn’t true. It’s one thing to want the closure, it’s another thing to feel like you need it.

In some cases, getting closure from others can help but additional work would still have to be done. If the person has changed or changing from being a toxic person, then perhaps closure could be beneficial because the person maybe more likely to hold themselves accountable at that point. But if they are still a toxic person, seeking closure from them could just be another avenue that they could use to hurt you because they would not be in that mind set of caring about your healing or even about how their actions impacted you.

Side note: I wrote this from the point of view that you have cut off the person and/or they have cut you off. More so you are done with the person and/or the situation. Not in the sense that you are trying to salvage a relationship.

Time to Focus on You:

What do you think about closure?

Photo by Zoran Kokanovic on Unsplash

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8 thoughts on “Closure from Others isn’t a Guarantee”

  1. I try to ask myself “what do I hope to accomplish?” when tempted to confront, hoping for closure. Because you’re absolutely right, there are no guarantees. Is it worth it? Will it change anything? Will I be worse off? Thanks for sharing this. Great post!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Such an interesting post, Nia. Initially, I thought closure meant getting some sort of satisfaction from the other person expressing regrets, apologies, or whatever. However, over time I have learned that the best form of closure is forgiving myself for not recognizing that someone is deceptive/toxic on the front end.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Great post Nia. Yes I do agree that it’s not always a guarantee that one will receive closure from a person. At the end of the day, people are people. And if there’s anything that I’ve learned throughout the journey, I would have to say.

    1. Everyone you meet in life is for a purpose whether it’s for a season or a lifetime.
    2. I must learn to forgive myself and understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean re-entry.
    3. Majority of people don’t like confrontation. They rather sweep things under the rug and carry on. You can’t force anyone to confront the pain they have caused you but if you can meet and discuss the problem and resolve it, fine. If not, pray and release it unto God. Allow God to heal your wounds. Don’t rush the process of your healing but don’t prolong it because you want the person who caused the wound to remain in your life. Learn the lessons and apply it to your life. ✨😊

    Liked by 1 person

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