When I was younger, I was passive and a people pleaser. I would just go with the flow and did not really stick up for myself to avoid confrontations. Speaking my mind did not seem like an option for me because I did not want to be the odd one out. Since everyone else were going along with whatever, I thought I had to go along with it too in order to have friends or for other reasons.
At that time things seem easier when I was passive, no one was upset with me and I thought that there were no conflict/issues. But there was an issue, something inside of me did not feel right. At that time, I did not really know what it was but looking back on it now, I know that my energy was being drained and I was not making myself a priority. I was running around trying to please everyone and not cause any trouble. And in trying to do that I was putting myself and what was good/right for me on the backburner. I did not have boundaries and I did not talk about when something bothered or upset me because I thought if I created boundaries or spoke my mind, everyone would think I am mean and no one would like me or would want me around.
As I started building confidence and being more secure in myself and in being alone, I started to speak up more and stand up for myself. I stop allowing certain things to just happen without intervening somehow. Some people used to love when I was passive because, it meant that they could do whatever they wanted without having to hear anything from me. When I started talking up and not tolerating certain things, they got upset and I did not care. When I started creating boundaries, I lost some people in my life. When I was younger I was so scared of losing people but as I got older I became more concern with preserving my authentic self and if that causes some people to not like me, I’m okay with that. I do not want people in my life that will expect me to be passive and not speak up when something does not sit right with me. Now it feels freeing to just be myself and do what feels right to me without constantly worrying about upsetting people. It feels rewarding to treat myself as a priority instead of putting everyone else before me. And the ironic part is I feel like people like more now that I am authentic and not afraid to speak up or be alone.
Time to Focus on You:
Learn and remember the difference between being passive (just going along with anything even when it is draining) and compromising (having boundaries while doing an equal amount of give and take).
Photo by Philipe Cavalcante on Unsplash