A few days ago, I was listening to a podcast hosted by a clinical psychologist and a guest therapist speaker. This podcast episode was about the attachment style of a fictional character, how it was influenced by her family dynamics, and how it influences her interactions with romantic partners, friends, and family. Normally I listen to this podcast as a form of leisure activity and to learn about different perspectives. As I was listening to the podcast, I realized that the fictional character and I had a good amount of things in common, such as behavioral patterns and habits. We also had somewhat of a similar background story.
Even though the podcast was talking about a fictional character, I started to think about myself and my past. A question kept popping up in my head, “Yea that character is similar to past Nia but is she similar to who you are now?” I thought myself, “I don’t know.” Then I asked myself, “Do you still hold any type of resentment?” This question caused me to open my mouth and to be honest with myself about the resentment I previously held when I was younger, why I don’t hold it now, and the overall process of letting go. I also talked with myself about some of my beliefs and behavioral habits that were influenced by the situation. My thoughts started flowing out of my mouth pretty quickly, like they were waiting for a while to get out. Sometimes when I have conversations with myself, they are full of negative self-talk. But in this conversation, I was honest while at the same time not overly blaming myself. I was empathic but called myself out on my past and some current behaviors while I was exploring my thoughts and feelings. I saw how certain events influenced my behavior and how my behavior influenced other events. I ended the conversation saying, “Even though their actions were not right, I understand them. That person was a toxic person in general and I no longer take what they did personal.”
It was a very interesting moment to see how certain aspects of me parallel with a fictional character of a show I never watched. It also felt good to have an honest conversation with myself out loud instead of in my head. Something about hearing myself talk helps with really understanding my thoughts and noticing patterns in my speech. Even though this conversation was not an easy one to have with myself, it was very necessary and caused me to look at somethings differently and change some of my behaviors.
Time to Focus on You:
Go have an honest conversation with yourself. Don’t be overly harsh on yourself but hold yourself accountable when necessary.
Photo by Suhyeon Choi on Unsplash