In my past, I used to be strongly against crying for whatever reason. I hated crying because it made me feel weak and powerless, especially in front of other people. When people would say that crying was therapeutic for them and that it made them feel better, I would look at them like they lost their mind. Especially when they said that they were crying just to cry, they didn’t have an exact reason to cry. I would think to myself, “Why are you crying for no reason? I don’t understand.” At that stage, crying was a waste of time for me. The only time I would cry was when I was extremely frustrated, and I could not do anything about the situation because it was either out of my control or I already tried everything that I could try.
Refusing to cry caused me to keep a lot of feelings bottled up inside of me. When I started to read about how other black women dealt with their past and issues, they all said crying helped. Before they were comfortable with crying, they viewed crying the same way I did as a waste of time. They broke down the strong black woman complex, which helped me to learn why I viewed crying with such disgust. I hated the idea of crying because it is believed that strong black women don’t cry and guess who wanted to be a strong black woman. They said that crying helped them to let go of their past and express their feelings.
As I read more about their stories, I started to become comfortable with crying because I identified with their stories. Instead of stopping myself, I would just let my tears flow. I was finally able to release parts of my past. Around this time, crying began to be therapeutic for me. I now view it as a form of release and I am not ashamed to cry. I cry when I am happy, sad, mad, grateful, and sometimes randomly. Occasionally I get into these moods where I feel like crying for no specific reason. So, I turn on Mary J. Blige or another 90’s artist and cry. I tend to experience this weird release when I am in this mood. I call it weird because nothing was bothering that would cause me to be sad and/or cry, but I still felt the need to cry. I guess I am starting to understand why some people cry just to cry.